


The Year I Wasted On You

by IrisCarlyle



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: M/M, Mavin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-08
Updated: 2014-04-30
Packaged: 2018-01-18 16:52:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1435756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IrisCarlyle/pseuds/IrisCarlyle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gavin and Michael have always been best friends. But when the idea of moving back to England comes across Gavin's mind - for reasons he leaves out to Michael - it pushes their friendship to the breaking point.<br/>Angst and Mavin-driven</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Welcome Home,

**Author's Note:**

> Please do enjoy.

Go in. Go on, open the door and step inside. It isn't that hard to move legs, love. Gavin's temple ached as he held one hand on the door and another rubbing the bridge of his nose. It felt like he hadn't had anything in his mouth for a century and all that was left was sandpaper coating everything. His teeth, tongue, soft pallet. Nothing inside of him was still intact to his body, festering instead with some alien creature that forgot how to open doors. You can fucking open it. There was a twinge in his thought, and it seemed like at any moment the door would open from the inside-out. People exclaiming that the Brit was back, cheering him in welcome. You've opened it half a million times, so why can't you open it now? 

Oh yea, that. 

Gavin cleared his throat and tried to bend the sandpaper into a smile. His distress was unnerving, cutting into his mind like an anvil. He hated it. There was still the thought in his mind of England - the stained cobblestones and acidic rain of London. It was a lot different then these streets. Maybe he could go back. "Yea Mom I'm home - no, no. I'm here to stay. It feels good. Oh, that old job? Dropped them all. Meet a nice girl, get a good job, live here." It sounded so much easier then actually happening. Gavin was tempted to run back, jump into a taxi and get onto the next plane. Feel the familiar cars and roads of home.

Home. Damn, who would've ever thought that home no longer was across an ocean. It was here, on American soil. Ten years ago, this would not have been what Gavin yearned for, what he thought would become him. Yet again, who dreams of becoming a gamer professionally. Chances like these don't fall easily. 

A caw from a crow seemed to make him move. Simply his muscles became his again - responsive. Everything seemed brighter; the peeling on the side of the building, a weed growing between two cracks, the dull sound of life inside. He turned the knob until it was unlocked and only needed to be pulled. 1, 2, 3... 

"Gavin!" Someone said as soon as the door cracked. "Guys, Gavin is back!" 

An eruption of chatter followed. The sound of doors being opened, someone poking their head out of an office to say hello. There was a screech of content as several people flooded towards him. He smiled at every one of them, quiet despite his obvious joy at the faces. There was still the sense in his mind that made him want to flee. 

"Fuck, you were gone a long time." Seven words escaped from a mouth. Seven words made Gavin regain his focus and lift his eyes from the tiles. He grinned, a genuine grin that stretched from ear to ear. Red hair, a contently-angered demeanor, fell across his eyes. 

"Micoo."

"Gav." 

Their eyes met, alive with contentment. Gavin's fear and worry went away and he changed - no longer silent, joyed at seeing his coworkers and once again a little troll. If you paid attention hard enough you could see the change, but of course no one did. Him being back did mean one thing: no more talk to Michael. Many others wanted him too, at least. A sea crashed in between them, engulfing away.  
There was a haze then, like standing on a ship as the world rocked. But Gavin was happy, filled with the sound of American accents and by-passed laughter. It was just like how it would be when you greeted someone after they'd been gone a long time: only half-interested in your ordeals that they had no heed in, in wanting to commune with you but having no means to do so. The fire of his arrival was short-lived and within moments Geoff came up to him and smiled, "time to get back to work buddy."

"What are we doing?" He asked, back slouching and bag held on only by his elbow. 

"No idea. I let Ray design this episode, minecraft but to the extend I haven't got a clue. Jet lag okay? I only saw you for maybe three minutes this morning, and you were drooling..." The thought made Geoff laugh, just imagining Gavin with a gentle stream of liquid trailing down his chin. 

Gavin smiled a pseudo-meaningful smile as he patted the older man on the back, "Jet lag was good, you know, sleep at unnatural times." His nose shriveled and his back started to turn. 

"Hey Gavin." Geoff said, his tone changing entirely. It loomed calm and low, as if not to draw any attention. 

The Brit turned around to face him, his throat dry. Geoff looked at him for a moment and Gavin thought for a moment that the older man knew. There was a flash from his eyes - a twinge as he analyzed him - and then his lip twitched into the smallest grin possible. "You doing okay?" He asked, eyeing him with the look of a father.

"Of course Geoff." Gavin squeaked barely through his teeth. "Bloody hell why wouldn't I be okay? I was just home - is all. I'm here, ready to do work, ready to look like an idiot for the fans. If there was something up I'd tell you." He smiled, just pushing it hard enough to make Geoff think he was right. It worked, the older man nodded slowly before turning away and into the office.

"Alright Gavin," he said. "I trust you."

Of course you do, he thought to himself as he followed him. If only I was telling the truth then we both wouldn't be here.


	2. In One Month

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something gets in between Michael and Gavin once Gavin notes that he's going back to England. For some reason, Michael isn't happy about it.

"Gavin you are a raging fuck." Hissed Michael through his teeth as he pounded on the keys. "Team Nice Dynamite is done." 

A good week had passed since Gavin was back. They were nearly 125 episodes of Minecraft on youtube, and over 140 filmed and ready to be edited. Life was back to normal - Geoff no longer suspected things to be the matter in Gavin's life, the weather was warming up and Michael's and Lindsay's wedding was less then a year away. 

Less then a year until Michael was a married man. 

Of course, it was supposed to be earlier - but Lindsay had suffered through not only the passing of a family member, but a lump in her breast. It pushed the relationship nearly to the breaking point, but they stayed together. And too prolonged the date of the wedding by nearly a year. 

"You keep saying that." He countered. "And yet it holds no meaning to me."

"It'll hold meaning when I leave your ass." Michael almost growled, having his sprite jump off a cliff and into some water, barely just missing a ledge. 

"When?"

"Ladies, ladies." Ray interrupted their banter. "I hate to get in the middle of your cat fight -"

"- Love feast" Muttered in Ryan

"- But we need to try to beat them. So fucking get it together." Ray finished, rolling his eyes. 

Gavin sighed, hanging his head as the respawn logo flashed across his screen. He woke up again in a bed, rushing out into the battlefield. Another twenty minutes passed, the score was Lads - 4 to Gents - 8 with not even five minutes left on the clock.

"Hey so Gavin you're going back to England in a month." Announced Jack lazily. 

Geoff laughed, "he'll be back back the time this video is up. How was England Gavin?"

"Shit yea," the Brit responded. Out of the corner of his eye he swore he saw Michael flinch, sending a flash in his direction. Obviously his curly haired friend hadn't heard about this new revelation. "Uh. Very nice weather."

"That's a paradox," scoffed Ray. "Nice weather and England."

"Predictions, Ray." Said Michael after staying silent for a bit. When he spoke it came out in a crack then he shook his head. "We're winning right?" Michael asked sarcastically. 

"Totally. Major lead." Answered Geoff. 

"Like you guys ever win." Giggled Ryan wildly, scoring another win for the Gents.

"It's because fucking Gavin is on our team." Snarled Michael then squinted his eyes. "My boi. Where is my boi?" 

Gavin was silent for several moments. And when he spoke again it came out semi-pathetic, "dead again."

"Fucking!" Michael exclaimed. 

"Yea this is all Gavin's fault," Ray said through a sigh. 

"It's not always me -"

"- You died ten more times then me and Ray. Combined. Combined Gavin - " Began Michael before getting cut off by Geoff.

"Times up." This was followed by groaning from Lads and hollering and hooting from Gents. 

They all went up in a banter. Speaking how the game went, about all the times Gavin died. And then he laughed a little, that bright Gavin-laugh that made everyone smile just a little. "Letssss stoppp." He went, and they turned off their recordings.

"Good game." Said Geoff, getting up and heading towards the doorway. "Nice tactic Gavin. The fans are going to love this one. When was the last time you won the tower of pimps?" 

"Forever ago." He responded, grinning from his chair. He was faintly aware of Michael, Ray and Jack talking while Ryan went through his phone. "Before episode 100."

"Maybe it's time for you to win again. The fans are getting restless. They really love you," Geoff smiled contently. Then he turned to everyone else, "lunch? I'll pay." 

Michael separated himself from Ray and Jack. "Yea. I'll eat anything if you're paying."

"Anything?" Geoff's eyebrows wiggled and a flare fell into his eyes.

"You cock," Michael pulled himself up from his chair. "Figuratively."

Ray too got up, being followed by Jack. Ryan however shook his head, "naw. I'll pass. Going home for this one, I need to see my children." He was still on his phone, answering things that mattered only to him.

"Alright," Geoff responded. "I understand. Come on guys. Oh, Michael and Gavin." They looked at him, "after lunch I need you two to work on some things. I want you two to try out a new game. Just you two though, you haven't worked together in a long time. Let's go." Ray and Jack followed him eagerly, but Michael hung back.

"What's up Micoo?" Gavin asked, hanging near the doorway. Ryan was still sitting there his spot. He didn't want to say much, and barely made eye contact with the red head.

"You're leaving again?" There was some distinguishable emotion locked in his words. Something Gavin couldn't find.

He nodded, "yea. I'll be back." Was it hurt he was hearing? Of course not, he's never missed you before. Gavin thought himself before shaking his head. "It'll just be like, three weeks." 

"You've been going back a lot recently." Michael said, looking at Ryan a little. 

"I've got to take care of some things." His accent was growing like the lump in his throat.

"What is it?" He asked suddenly, eyes blaring down Gavin's face. 

However, before Gavin could respond Ryan growled. "You too are acting like lovers. Kiss and get over with it, but please just go. They are waiting for you." He didn't even look at them.

Both of the boys sighed. Gavin was the first to break eye contact with Michael before turning out into the hallway. "Come on." He whispered, "we better get going."

"Yea." And they were out of the doorway, heading out. But something clung in between them. Something that couldn't be removed now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... And it's getting to be Mavin. Slowly. Looking forward to feedback, and a new chapter hopefully by Sunday.


	3. In My Unrequited

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael and Gavin work late into the night together and Gavin admits to himself what he knew all along.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will now be labeling the month of the chapter at the top. Please comment, kudos or whatever.

\--- May

"You two are okay, right?" Geoff asked as he grabbed his belongs and put them into a bag. "I mean, I hate leaving you here to close up and work these extra hours."  
Gavin motioned towards his coffee, looking only into the monitor. "Geoff it's not like you make us do this every day."   
"Cause' that would be torture." Interrupted Michael, stuffing some pasta into his mouth. He too was preoccupied. The lights were already dim outside - turning the brightness of day into a silken sunset that was hardly observed from within these walls.   
For a moment Geoff was silent then he nodded, handing Gavin the keys. "Close up. Come in silently when you get home, please don't wake up my daughter. You know how it is getting her back to sleep." Off the camera Geoff was very calm and responsible. Acting almost like a father to the younger men.   
"I know the rules, dad." Gavin said with affection, taking the keys and putting them next to him on top of a CD. He then turned his head lightly to Michael, "you ready boy?"  
"Yea." He said with a smile. "What are we playing tonight Geoff?"   
The older man grinned, pulling something out of his bag. Beside the three men, the office was practically empty. Devoid of any existence - clouded in the daily mess that would be cleaned at, as Michael called it, 'the ass-crack of dawn' when the cleaning people came in to take care of it. Now if only they went to people's house, Gavin thought. "Something new.” Geoff began again, “Sacred 3. Came out last August, but I think we should try it."  
"How much do you want us to get done, Geoff?" Gavin asked, taking the game and handing one to Michael.   
"Enough, I want you to finish it by the time Gavin goes back to England. I don't know how many parts this will be, but if the first two fail you don't have to post anymore or even finish it. Remember that Monopoly Lets Play on Minecraft…"  
"We didn't finish it because we didn't want to finish it." Answered Michael, working his computer to program the game.  
"No one was too fond of it, to be precise" Geoff's nose crinkled before turning towards the doorway. This new office was bigger, and he didn’t have to squeeze in between Gavin and the couch. True, they all had their separate offices, but come Lets Plays or things of the sort they gathered in a room slightly bigger than the last one. Here there was legroom to move around in. "Anyway. I really do need to go. It's getting late, and with the pregnancy..."  
Gavin grinned. As of last month, it came out that Griffon was pregnant with the couple's second child. This one was very delayed, and very unexpected. But everyone took it with sweeping approval. He followed suit with Michael, though wickedly smiling about this newfound news. "Alright. I'll see you, bloke."  
Michael nodded towards him and turned back into the blare of the monitor. There was a moment of silence, and then a final slam of the entrance door and Geoff was gone. Faintly, a car started, but it was just a hum in the background. More silence ensured.   
Gavin sifted through some papers, trying to find a hard-drive buried deep within the mess. It hadn't always been this messed up, disheveled and unorganized. But since he had gone back home so often, the time to clean it had failed him. From the corner of his eye he noticed Michael kept looking at him. Bloody hell, he thought to himself trying not to focus on him and get jittered by being watched, stop.   
"Gavin what's up?" Michael asked. His brows furrowing just slightly together. There was a crease in his forehead as his looked at Gavin, sincerity dripping from his lips.  
The Brit was shocked by the question, and looked dumbfounded for just a few moments before shaking his head. "Nothing is the matter, why would you suggest that?"  
"You're silent," Michael didn't say anything for so long after that Gavin wondered if he had ceased to make words from his mouth, "you're not usually this silent."  
"You're not usually this invasive." Countered Gavin, his tone rising. He looked at his screen like a bird puffing out its chest in defiance. Moments after he spoke he could tell the words were the wrong thing to say. Just barely he heard Michael's head sweep back and forth in sadness or hurt. Gavin's cheeks turned red, biting his lip in the saddened solidarity.   
Michael's loading screen turned on. "No." He breathed, as if to himself. "No I am not." Maybe there was hurt within his throat, but Gavin couldn’t tell.  
Gavin wondered why Michael wasn't yelling at him, cursing him out and throwing things across the room. That was what he did when people didn't tell him things, when they were silent on matters that he wanted to get into or that involved him. Gavin swallowed the lump in his throat before looking at his friend for the first time in minutes. Michael returned the stare abruptly, his neck stiff in swerving, blazing eyes hidden behind those glasses he rarely wore. Everything besides those eyes were calm, the lucid hollow cheeks and thin pale lips didn't even quiver. "Micoo." Was all Gavin managed to say, pitching it up an octave. Compared to Michael’s raging eyes, his were growing sad and droopy.   
"What?" The American snapped back, the words barely cracking between his teeth. There, Gavin thought with a hint of sad satisfaction, there's the anger. There is him going.   
Gavin could barely speak. But the words came out as if they weren't coming from him at all. "Nothing is the matter." Lying seemed like the only option, and Gavin hoped that he was doing it well. Lying to his best friend.  
"Then why the hell do you keep leaving Austin?" Michael's voice grew in volume. The game was blinking, casting shadows down on his face. "Why in the hell do you keep leaving your friends? What aren't you telling me?"  
"I miss home." Now that was the biggest lie. Because home wasn't across an ocean, it was within this very room.  
"Home is right here." It was like Michael could read minds. One more phrase, three more words and Gavin would crumble. But Michael didn't say them, because he couldn't read Gavin's mind. If he could, he would've ran away quicker then should be able. Ran away from the truth that would scar him. "Home is with us. In this very building. So I don't need your crap, I need you to stop leaving you fucking twat." Michael used british phrases when he was particularly annoyed with Gavin, only for the shock effect of mimicking the man’s homeland.   
Nothing escaped Gavin’s lips. He was shell shocked by the words Michael had said. And the ginger saw this in Gavin’s face. Only faintly did the corner of his lip twitch as he searched for more emotion. “I...” Gavin swore he saw Michael’s eyes constrict in focus. “I can’t Michael.” And the words broke his heart.   
The man leaned back into his chair and didn’t say anything. It was hard to think about what was going through Michael’s mind, despite the raging disappointment. “Fuck,” he hissed through his teeth. The anger was still there, raging, “You fucking dense pile of shit.”   
There must’ve been a difference between a heart breaking once out of denying yourself joy, and a second time when the person you love reveals what they think of you. It was what Gavin deserved, thinking about it. For Michael to slowly ebb away out of his life and for him to hate him before he left for good. If there was to be love then there would be pain in the most unrequited way. Michael would hate him for a little, but he would grow on to forget their time together. It could never really leave Gavin, however. Not when he felt the way he did.   
The drumming of Michael’s fingernails on the table brought him back into reality. Before he even opened his mouth Michael said one more thing. “I just wish you’d tell me why you keep going off.”  
Because I love you... And you’re engaged. It was so much easy to think then to say. Maybe Gavin could lie again: say his mother was dying or something. He opted for twisting the truth instead, “I met someone.”   
The anger that owned his friend so prominently before seemed to ebb slightly away. He looked more interested now then pissed off. “Nice British girl?”  
Sure, Gavin thought and internally shrugged painfully, more like Nice Dynamite Boy but whatever. “Yes. That’s why I keep going off.”   
“Why Gavin if this was a girl thing then why didn’t you just tell me?” It was so weird, seeing how Michael went from screaming bitter offenses to a content little bear. He was just like his Minecraft sprite - a bear. “I would understand.” He was looking at him earnestly, now. “You can trust me - team nice dynamite remember?”   
Gavin was in such a raging anguish it was hard to even smile. First, his friend basically swore him off, and then he lied to him. Not only these things but he had to admit to himself what he knew all along; that he loved Michael Jones. After so many years of denying it and suppressing it, it was hard to see it come to the surface. He had suffered through depression without even a soul knowing of his condition, so the sadness wasn’t terribly hard to put off, but at this moment it was like he wanted to scream every secret he ever had to the man. “I didn’t want to rush things...” how did the words even come out? Even breathing seemed like a weight too far pressing down his throat.   
“I understand man,” Michael laughed a little before turning to the monitor. “We need to work on this. Sorry for yelling, no hard feelings?” Gavin shook his head, eyes glassy and barely even in his sockets. “You know I love you right?”   
Gavin turned away so that Michael wouldn’t see the tear that blistered from his eye. “Yea.” Perhaps his voice cracked an octave or maybe it didn’t, Gavin didn’t really remember. “Yea I know you do.”   
“You need to tell me about her sometime. Lets work Gavin, I want to be home by eleven.” And the man was blissfully on his way, unaware of how his friend’s very existence had shattered in the span of ten minutes. How his words cut knives where there should be breathing holes, instead were filled with blood that pooled in the mind.   
The Brit grinned bitterly before clicking onto the mouse. “Tell you what Michael, she’s amazing.” One last tear, one last reminder of the night where pain blistered into him, “bloody amazing this one is.”


	4. The Typhoon of your Lips

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gavin goes back to England, and on the plane he has a dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment and tell you what you think. Just please, please tell me what you think.   
> Up to chapter 9 planned, so expect a lot more.

\- May 

Today was the day. It had been a month, nearing the end of May, and Gavin was going back. No one at the office suspected any reason as to why. They just assumed it was the way it was - that after so many years of living in the states’ Gavin was growing homesick. When really, he was only homesick for the states’ and what they held.   
Geoff dropped him off at the terminal, both Michael and Ray joining him to wave him off. There was nothing against Jack and Ryan, but he wasn’t particularly close to them. So he saw them at the office the day before. Geoff said goodbye first, promising to pick him up in twenty day from the airport. Ray was next, saying how he’d miss his Vav and that Team Lads would be incomplete without him. Last was Michael, and he watched him as the older man approached him.   
“You’ll be back soon, you cock.” Affection was found in swearing, from the mind of Michael Jones. There was something silent in the way he spoke.   
“Aren’t you going to say goodbye?” Gavin asked cheekily, grinning as Michael’s hand clasped his back.   
The ginger shook his head, looking sullen as usual. But then he smiled, “why say goodbye when you’re going to come back?”   
Right… Gavin thought but didn’t say anything on it. I’m coming back, but I won’t be back for much longer. You’re going to have to say goodbye to me for reals, soon. And then you need to forget me. Instead, he opted for another little bit of laughter. “Alright you bum, whatever floats. I’ll see you in three weeks. I have a plane to catch.”  
“You should catch it. It leaves in 30 minutes.” Added Geoff. And then they were gone, back to work in the familiar new building.   
***  
Gavin sat in his first-class chair. He wouldn’t normally spend so much for comfort in a flight, but considering his recent revelations Gavin wanted to be at peace. So he sat himself down in the heat of day, listened to the deep voice of a male flight attendant talk about safety. The person that sat next to him was a middle aged woman who looked rather well off with money and didn’t seem to be in the mood for idiots. Gavin made sure to pay her no heed, incase she judged by his spur-of-the-moment attitude.   
For several hours he spent editing videos on his personal computer and almost got finished with one by the time of ‘dinner’. He made sure to get some wine, for what would air travel be without the comfortable choking of alcohol, and dinner was eaten through yawns and the final edits for the video. By the time the sky was drifting into silken horizons and the plane was already over the ocean, Gavin made sure to take a selfie with the sun dying behind him. He forgot to update social media recently, with all the things in life happening.  
Leaving would be hard. He was a fan-favorite at Roosterteeth, and surely with him going back to England the views would go down, and people would be upset. That was how it was, and when Geoff would come to find out, the man would be devastated. Signing Gavin onto the site, he once said, was the best thing he could’ve ever done. Now Gavin was planning on leaving. All because the pain of unrequited love was too much. And a change in scenery would always be good, really.  
Once it was dark in the plane, Gavin made sure to go to sleep. Close his eyes, listen to some music that dimly played in his ears, and aim for peace. When he got home surely his parents would chatter him up a storm in the joy that he was back. They too had no clue of his intent to stay with them eventually. Find a nice girl, settle down, that was the plan. Of course, he could never love that girl. Not like how he loved Michael.   
It took awhile to finally get to get into an uneasy sleep, considering the fact of being so far above the earth always seemed to distress Gavin in a way. Having nothing terrestrial to touch; he could not be a bird. But travel by boat took too long, and the Brit had zero to no patience. So that was why he flew through places unknown, through air that he probably breathed a thousand times. Away, he thought, away into my dreams and the night.   
The dream that ensured was a milky, hazy one that when you wake up leaves you in a muffled shock for the entire day. Gavin was standing on a beach, the air muggy and cold against his neck. All the colors seemed to blur into one form of blue. On either side of him was sand that spread left and right for a half-mile until it curved outwards and away. The beach clung into the small bay a quarter of a mile, leashed from blue-green lowland hills that spread into a tropical forest. Onwards the sea was shallow, and in the distance a deep blue became where the waves ceased.   
Michael was standing knee-deep in the water, looking out as if to locate something unknown to Gavin.   
“Michael?” Gavin questioned and suddenly the tense shoulders and peering head turned, loosening their searing wonder and instead settling on him.   
“Boi.” The dream-Michael said, approaching him and flicking water away. Everything was cold - the sky gray and blue and muffled like late winter. But it still held a sense of the tropics, just before a storm. “Gavin you’re supposed to be at the con.”  
What con? In this dream, Gavin was living outside of himself, watching the events that followed. He tried to immerse himself in conversation with the two - but he was invisible to them. So he ceased his attempts and just watched.  
“I came looking for you.” Answered dream-Gavin. “You left so suddenly.”   
“I needed to get away.” Michael’s forehead creased. “You’re leaving us? Why the hell are you leaving us?”   
Actual-Gavin felt like he was intruding on something. Some foretold nothingness which clouded him. He tried to turn away, dream a different dream, but he couldn’t.   
“I need a change in scenery.” The dream-Gavin was still a shit liar, and actual-Gavin could see the facade he was trying to pull off. It flashed when the corner of his lip quivered, flashed when he closed his eyes for a moment too long. Flashed when the redness barely seeped into his skin.  
“Why the hell are you changing the scenery!” The sullenness of Michael was fading now, turning into a raging storm that mirrored behind him. “We love you and you’re leaving us!”  
“This is hard for me too!” Actual-Gavin found his voice, screaming at the thing formed inside his mind. The fire in his voice scared him out of his mind, hearing a rage that was left buried for far too long. His throat hurt from the scream. “Ever thought that I lo-love you too!” It came out in a stammer, losing it’s rage and just turning into embarrassment. Michael was looking at him now, the other-him fading away into the sand. “Damn, I love you.” These four words were breathed, and Michael couldn’t have heard them.  
“Gavin.” That was all he said, all he said as he approached him, anger melting into just creased brows trying to look into something very hard. They were maybe ten feet away, but Michael kept coming for him. At five feet, he raised his hands up and outward, attempting to grab something. “Gavin.” Nearer still, his hands just grazing Gavin’s prickled cheek and jaw. His legs stopped moving, but his face kept going forward. “Gavin.” And then his lips were on his, pushing forward with ten times the strength of his limp hands.  
The Brit was in shock, arms hanging loosely at his sides and knees buckling in this newfound weight. Michael. He thought, then remembering it was a dream. His eyes which closed momentary opened, and for real they opened. He did not kiss him back. He just let him become the dream, weight pressing down onto him as he dissolved into the essence of the plane. And then he felt his heart breaking even harder than it was a month ago.   
***  
When Gavin got off the plane, he was shrouded in a feeling of weightlessness. Not only because of the altitude change, but because he realized something. The only way he could kiss Michael Jones was within his dreams. My boi. He thought to himself, holding back from breaking down into a fit of sadness, I miss my boi.   
Michael texted him as soon as he regained signal. His heart did a somersault before he could even read it, and his fingers numbly pressed down until the words were within his eyes.

Can’t wait to meet your girl. Hope you show me a lot of her. Have fun in England, you’re missed fucker. xx

And that was all was written. It felt like his heart did a somersault into the licking flames of the sun. Echoed in shrouded, aching misery. Hope was the worst medicine; hope could kill Gavin in 46 different ways. Hope was something he needed to abandon. So he made his way out of the terminal and back onto the familiar streets of home. There was a one letter difference between hope and home, one letter which decided his fate. If only the p was silent to the m, he wouldn’t be leaving. He’d be staying where home actually was.


	5. Adelaide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gavin goes back to England, and visits with a friend who he grew up with.   
> Warning: Minor sex in this chapter, swearing a little more then usual. Be warned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So far I have 15 chapters planned. Please comment, or whatever. Should get the next one done by tomorrow, or Monday. It'll be Michael's POV.

\-- May/June

“Gavin!” His parents were waiting at the terminal to pick him up. As soon as he saw them he was a smiling mess. They did not run at him, instead they borderline hobbled, excited but not too excited as to make a scene in the middle of the airport. They had seen him a month ago, but considering they saw him so little, any amount of his physical-body was enough to send them into a haywire.   
“Mum, Pop.” He breathed as he hugged them and inhaled them in. The Brit was still affected by a raging, tired jet-lag and that feeling of a lack of gravity. Traveling was getting better, this recent influx of air travel had a good part to it, immunity after time.   
“Missed you my lad, boy.” His father said, holding his face and grinning.   
“Missed you too Pops.”  
“Are you coming for Christmas?” His mother asked.  
“Not now Carol. He just got off the plane.” Gavin’s father said to his mother before grabbing his bags and walking towards the car. Outside it smelled like oil and rain, just like how the city always did smell. It was early morning, and they were be home before lunch, if even near then. Then Gavin would sleep until the morning, and he’d go on with the next three weeks like they were nature to him.  
Gavin laughed at his father’s statement. He watched his mother trip on her own feet once they got outside, his father’s raging grin. The clumsy, happy attitude of his parents inherited into his bones. Only Geoff had met them - and Dan, but that was beside the fact - and he had said that Gavin was an even split of happy from his parents. Maybe a little more like his mother, because his father had a serious serious-streak.   
“How was the flight sonny?” His mother asked, her short whitening-blonde hair dancing in the sunlight that barely peeked through the clouds.  
Gavin was reminded of his dream, and only barely did he look flustered. His parents knew he was bi, but they did not know that he loved Michael Jones. No one did and no one was going to. Well, only one person. But that wasn’t his parents. Gavin cleared his throat, “it was a really well flight mom, top.”   
“Dear God you’re starting to sound American, Gav.” His father stated blantly.   
“He still has our mannerisms, David.” Carol said. “He may be losing our accent but he still sounds extremely british.”   
Gavin laughed as they neared the car, “it’ll come back soon mother. A week here and I’ll be like the locals again. Ooh can I drive?”  
Both his parents nodded. Gavin really missed driving, living in America the aspect of the roads - so very different - scared him so much, he never got his license. Here was different, so he soaked up every little amount of ‘car’ that he could. “Bloody right,” he exclaimed.  
“Gavin. Language.” His mother expressed slightly jokingly. “We use different words here. Like fuck, or, oh god David what is it? Dicks?”  
“Just stick to bollocks Carol,” Gavin’s dad muttered while putting his stuff in the car. “Don’t even try to Americanize yourself. It isn’t worth it.”   
And then they were heading towards Oxfordshire.   
***  
Gavin slept for practically 24 hours straight. And he didn’t regret it at all. Honestly, the amount of sleep he’d been getting back in America, this was a godsend. One week he calculated only getting fourteen hours. Fourteen hours in seven days. And how, now he was sleeping an entire day away. But he couldn’t sleep anymore, he had someone to meet with and see.   
When he knocked on the door there was no answer. So, in typical Gavin-style he knocked again. And again… until someone answered. Which resulted in nearly five minutes of straight pounding. His knuckles were red.  
The person who answered was wrapped in a light pink towel. Another towel - white - was wrapped around her hair. Blonde roots, light brown brows. She was still wet, barefoot and dripping slightly, and she looked pissed. Before she even registered who it was she snapped, “who the bloody hell do you think you ar-”  
“Adelaide.” Gavin grinned, unphased by her meer nakedness. “Bloody, I haven’t seen you in years.” He focused on her, cheekily poking his tongue out of his mouth. “You’ve grown. You’re a woman now.”  
The woman’s eyes squinted and then her breath sucked in. “Gavin,” she said in disbelief and fondly. “Gavin! I haven’t seen you since you left!” She reached out her hands to embrace him, even though she was still sodden and basically naked. Adelaide invited him inside, the towel keeping her body hidden. The other towel in her hair peeled off to ruffle the blonde-brown locks dry. “Oh you bloody fool,” her words were spoken with a fondness. “You know I watch you every single week.”   
“And you don’t even say hi?” He squeaked sadly, sitting himself down on a chair and watching her dry her hair.   
“Well I’m busy,” her nose twitched. “School and everything. Going to be an emergency response doctor, like a paramedic but with a higher title and better pay. Need to get my doctorate though, in medicine for crying out loud. And you just play games?”  
“Yea. I’m dumb.” He said with a sense of finality, “it’s worth it though, I mean it pays alright. Never a boring day in my life. How are you?”  
“I am well. Since you left I bought that coffee shop with mom’s inheritance money. It pays me through school. Maybe you should go through school.” She went behind a curtain to get changed, throwing the towel at Gavin.  
He shook his head, “nah. My skills and reputation do enough for me. How many more years you got to go through?”   
“Two and half,” she answered. “And then I’m done, free. Just like you Gavin: free.” They laughed.   
This was the happiest Gavin had been in awhile. Seeing Adelaide, being in her tiny apartment and talking to about life. When they were younger, she was his best friend. The little girl whose father had prostate cancer and mother was an alcoholic, but seemed to make it out alright. The smartest person he knew, inspired to be better then the parents that raised her. Both her parents were gone now - Paul dying three weeks before her 16th birthday, and Joan dying only last year. Sometimes Gavin wondered how damaged she was. But looking at her grinning face that only echoed her contemptment at his arrival, he didn’t worry about that right now.  
No one knew about Adelaide. Not a single person in the office knew that about her existence in Gavin’s life. Maybe Geoff knew about the girl that Gavin was raised with, how her hair was black all until the age of 6 when bleach permanently damaged it. But she was given no name to own her features. It made Gavin sad, knowing that no one else reveled in Adelaide. In her intelligence, her beauty and her kindness. Yet so, she belonged to him. A part of his past that he would savor occasionally, drawing in the memory of when they were young. No one else needed to know, not until now.  
“Okay you obviously came here for a reason Gav,” she said suddenly after recalling a story. Her eyes squinted, bringing out her crows feet. “What do you want?”  
“I...” His throat suddenly went dry. He wanted to be happy, laugh with her. But there was always business to be done. “I have a favor to ask for you Adi.” Gavin said, bringing up that old nickname.   
“Spill, Vinni.” Adelaide remarked, grinning. If he was using that pet name, then she had every right to call him something he hated.   
He flinched, agitated for a split second. “I need you to be my fake girlfriend.” The words came out forced, between his teeth. This was the easiest way to say the words, to get the point across. Maybe I should’ve gone to Rachel, or Kira. Gavin thought to himself moments after he spoke, you can’t ruin this friendship.   
Adelaide looked at Gavin in pure shock. Several moments passed, and her eyelids peeled back over the sockets, and she leaned back into her couch. “Odd request,” she said through sucked-in breath. Gavin’s heart dropped, but then she continued. “Why?”  
“I...” The words wanted to come out.  
“Tell me Gavin.” No bullshit tonight, she was focusing every ounce of her existence onto him.  
“I’m in love with someone.” For the meanwhile, that was the closest he was going to get to telling her about Michael.  
“Tell her then.” Adelaide spluttered, rolling her eyes. “I’m sure any girl would want to bang you, for fucking sake.”  
“He’s engaged.” A look of comprehension fell across fell across Adelaide as she sighed sadly. “To a woman.”  
Adelaide was torn between approaching him and embracing him or making him some tea. “Gavin...” the words came out shallow, laced in pity.   
Everything was out. He not only admitted it to himself, but to someone else. For the first time, he let the blistering tears appear on his face. Using his shirt to wipe his face clean, he heaved in some air and let her see the despair in his eyes. “I don’t need your pity,” his voice cracked. Obviously, she was still going to give it.   
Adelaide peeled herself from the chair, her hair still wet and smeared makeup donning her cheekbones. She was used to this, Gavin wanting something he couldn’t have. Going after married women, vagabonds, straight men. But never did he love someone with the vigor she saw in his eyes. With the passion, the desire to escape. That was why he was here, she was the only one he could trust with this information. A hand clasped his shoulder, and she urged him to look up at him. Previously, he had been staring at the ground as if to find solace in it. “Gavin,” she breathed, locking eyes with his. Blistering and red, the man with the giant nose looked as if the world has shattered.  
“Adi?” He asked wistfully, “Adi you’re still here?” She nodded, grasping him into a hug. Slowly, she lowered himself onto his lap, as there was no room next to him. They were embracing - his fingers holding the back of her knitted shirt hollowly. Barely any pressure was used to hold him together, even his legs which composed her felt like they could give away. Fall onto the floor, echo into silence. Of course, Gavin wouldn’t notice. Not at this moment in his life.  
“Of course I am you twat,” she breathed into his ear. After a minute she pulled back, looking him in the eye. The crying was replaced by an emptiness, the sadness locked onto absolutely nothing.   
He watched her for a minute, without really even seeing her. You were my best friend for the first fifteen years of my life and Michael doesn’t even know about you.  
Stop thinking about him, a voice in the back of his mind yelled, pressing the thought done angrily. He cares nothing about what you decide, so bloody do something with your life.   
I’m moving back to England in less than a year, Gavin responded hollowly.   
Do more. And the voice was gone.   
That was the moment that Gavin kissed Adelaide. Not for the first time in his life did he do this, and it wasn’t the last either. She didn’t kiss him back at first, instead shock falling over her. But Gavin was no longer hollow, instead he was filled with a raging energy. He added more pressure into the kiss, and her eyes closed, pressing back. Their hands fell from holding each other, and Gavin pushed up, grabbing into her and walking as they kissed, mouths open.   
There was no meaning to the kiss. Perhaps it was loneliness that began the affair, or the realization that Michael was never going to be with him. She was not only his first best friend but also his “girlfriend” so maybe in a way, it made sense.   
Either way, within several minutes they weren’t wearing any clothes. Gavin pulled away slightly at that moment, and Adelaide looked confused. “You know I can never love you, right?” She nodded. “But maybe this could work, I mean I am moving back… we could be happy. We could make this work.”  
She reached down and grabbed him, seeing a flare of shock and lust go down his features. “You always talk to much,” Adelaide whined. “Just bloody fuck me already.”   
“I need your okay.” The words barely came out, when she was touching him like that.   
With one hand she pushed him down onto the floor, with the other she continued her fondling. “You have it.” And then he thrusted into her.  
Fucking your best friend, that was what always ended up happening in the movie. If only Gavin was fucking a different best friend, then this would be a different story. A better story. Adelaide was a good replacement to his misery however, she seemed content with his arrangements. Even if she could never feel love in his kisses, in the way he pulsed through her. Oh Adi, he thought during their affair, returning to be hollow in the finality of the truth, I’m sorry. So, so sorry. You deserve so much better.  
But they continued their fucking.  
***  
When they were done, they laid side-by-side, panting just slightly. The two didn’t even bother to cover themselves. “You know,” Gavin said, ruining the content silence. “I meant everything I said.”  
“I know.” Adelaide didn’t say anything after that.  
Gavin turned his head and looked at her, puzzled. “And you’re okay with it? Being, well, whatever, and me not loving you?”   
Adelaide nodded, or trying to with laying on the floor. “I’m okay with it Gavin. You love a boy who’s engaged and will only ever love him. You’re moving back to England fairy soon. I’m you’re fake/real girlfriend, your backup plan.” Her eyes fell onto him. “I’m okay with all of it. I’m okay with never really being yours.”  
“I just don’t want you to get hurt -”  
“I love you Gavin.” She interrupted, staring him down without really even blinking. He tensed up, but she continued. “You’re my best friend and I’m here to help you. If that means occasionally fucking you, then I’m okay with it. Nothing you ever could do would ever really hurt me. I mean, you didn’t talk to me for nearly eight years but I still love you.”  
He breathed slowly then, and grinned. “I’m really sorry about that.”  
She shook her head. “It’s no bother. So which one is it, the boy you love? Michael?”  
Iron formed in Gavin’s throat, but he swallowed it and nodded. “Yea. That one...” the words were whispered softly, his eyes closing and trying to focus on a memory of yester-year.  
“Old were the days when we ran through the brooks -  
That dying opposum of childhood I never could kill,  
To your hair and the waters I swam in. To the kisses under the maple trees,   
I never did lose them. I nurtured you,  
But here. Take the memories.   
I don’t want them anymore.” Composed Adelaide, rolling her eyes as the words rolled from her tongue.  
Gavin looked confused, “huh?” He asked, the poem throwing him off guard.  
“I write too, remember you twat?” She noted, rolling them once again before curling away. “I think you needed some uplifting...” The ways Adelaide tried to console once she was tired were the weirdest ways.   
“That wasn’t uplifting -” A warning glare from Adelaide warned him to shut up. “Nevermind,” his head shook, and he reached for his clothing. “Mind if I crash here tonight?” Gavin asked, pulling a shirt over his head.   
“You sound so bloody American,” she muttered before getting up and heading towards the bedroom. “Only if we can fuck in the morning.”  
“Deal.”


	6. June 18th

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael's POV. Insight into his life, and a date of importance is given.

\-- April/May

“Babe go to work.” Michael moaned. “Babe,” Lindsay’s voice grew in volume, and she shook him lightly. “Come on, get up.”  
“Aren’t you coming with me?” He asked, waking up to see her comfortable in in the bed.  
She shook her head, “it’s my day off. It’s a wednesday, Michael.”  
He blinked a few times before pulling himself from the sheets. “Right,” Michael mumbled. He looked at her, her hair was growing back and the rings of tiredness slowly going away. She was getting healthy again. Cancer free, he thought of the words the Doctor said three months ago. His fiancee was safe again.  
Which meant a looming wedding next April.  
“Get up, go.” She said, nodding her head to the kitchen. “I already made you breakfast.” The sun was up and it drifted through the blinds. She kept watching him, smiling.  
“You fuck,” Michael whispered, leaning down to give her a quick peck on the lips before leaving to the kitchen. “How did I get so lucky?”  
“Beats me.” And then she was laughing, and Michael was yearning for something. Exactly what, he had no idea.  
***  
Within an hour Michael was driving his car down the road, heading towards where the office loomed. He drummed his fingers on the wheel, nodding his head slowly to some beat that echoed through the stereo.  
Gavin would’ve hated this song. It was too dark for the Brit, not enough laughter drifting through it. Honestly, he missed his friend. Sometimes it was really easy to pretend that he wasn’t gone so much. That he existed beside Michael, sitting in that chair and making those cheeky, snide comments. He even missed, and god-forbid, the Mavin Shippers.  
Mavin. Michael laughed then, remembering the ship about him and Gavin. That was an amusing thought, and he didn’t mind it that much. Beside the fact that he was a straight man who was engaged and needed the fandom to know that.  
He was straight… right? Michael shook his head, eager to change his mind onto a different line of thought. Think about work and life, not his best friend and the gayness the fans were sure that existed within them.  
“Dammit,” he cursed under his breath as he stopped his car suddenly, jerking forward in discomfort. The car in front of him almost fucking killed him; pulling at a red light but still trying to get across the road. You fucking fucker, he thought to himself with utter malice. Do I look like I fucking need to die you dipshit. I hope a crow eats out our goddamn internal organs. Yup, this was Michael Jones.  
He loved this time of year. When it was getting hotter then should be possible in the Texan scenery. How light seemed to trick the back of his eyelids into a muffled submission. When the trees began to look more like resting places then living creatures out of wood. Even the fey creeks seemed to dip into reclusion, dispersing and drifting from sight. They vanished every second longer that there was sunlight, everything curling away.  
“Michael.” Someone banged on his car window, trying to look in at the man. It woke him from his momentary thinking and he focused on the hands and crinkled eyes of the person.  
“Dammit, what?” He asked slightly, rolling down the window to get a better look at the person.  
Turned out to be Geoff who just rolled his eyes and peeled back towards the building, “don’t leave your car running you fuck.” He said almost as if to himself, “come on. We can’t have you catching heat stroke out here, can we now?”  
“No you can’t,” he mumbled as he got out of the car. Moments ago he was almost dead, and now he was in the parking lot with his boss heading in towards work. Life was crazy, it basically made zero to no sense. “What are we doing today?”  
“Well,” Geoff said as he held the door open for Michael, “you’re filming and editing a Rage Quit, and then we’re filming a new Worms.”  
“But Gavin isn’t here - ” He asked almost sadly, like how could you dare do something so monumental without one of the key players.  
Geoff shook it off quickly, “Caleb will replace for Gavin. We always need to hate on someone. Come on, lets get to work. Hopefully we can all be home by six.”  
Michael was sad and kinda pissed off that they were doing a Worms without Gavin. He remembered that one time how he and the Brit had been on the same but basically only killed each other. How it was a key point for their friendship and Team Nice Dynamite. Michael smiled sadly before sitting himself down in his chair. Everyone was in a seamless arrangement of enlightenment. While he, he was down for some unknown reason. It’s not Gavin, he thought with a mutter, can’t be him you miss so much…  
“Let’s Play!” Said Ray and Michael knew the recorders were on. So he put on a brave face, say something slightly angry in replace of his sadness. As long as the fans were happy, but lately it seemed he wasn’t.  
***  
“Why do you keep pondering over that date babe?” Lindsay asked once he got home. Michael was looking at the calender, thinking aimlessly. “June 18th,” she started to talk whimsically, “there is no importance to it, is there? Oh are we going venue shopping then?”  
Michael shook his head, giving her a quick peck on the lips, “nope, that’s not why. I don’t fucking know why it’s important,” he shrugged as he got comfortable at being home. “When are we even going venue shopping?”  
“June 16th. Hey I ordered Chinese, you should go pick it up in like ten minutes.”  
“Got it.”  
“And babe?”  
“Yea?”  
“When are we going to plan the wedding further?” She asked, looking up from her book and at him. She looked earnest.  
“Probably in June or July,” he responded. “There isn’t a rush.”  
Lindsay looked a little bothered, “There kinda is. The cancer could come back and someone else could always die...” It was so weird, seeing her panic like this. But he just sighed and approached her, putting his hand around her waist and making deep eye contact.  
“Babe,” he whispered. “Everything is okay right now. I’m here, hey, look at me.” She did, and she looked defeated. “There is no rush. I am here for you. Just not right now, I need to go get that fucking Chinese food you love so much.”  
Ever slightly a grin fell across her features, and she sighed in recognition and kissing him before going back to her book. “Thanks,” she mumbled.  
“It’s no bother,” he said before grabbing his keys. “I’ll be back in twenty minutes.”  
“You’re getting a burger,” the words were not an accusation but stated simply as a fact.  
“Of course,” Michael smiled from the doorway. “I’m fucking hungry and I am not hogging all of your sticky pork. That’s just plain ass rude, and I have morals.”  
And he was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stupid, slow and short filler chapter. I'm sorry, it's going to get better from here, I promise.


End file.
